would
never
see
him
otherwise…and
he
would
never
understand
that
could
make
him
happy.
that
could
mend
clothes
and
make
porridge
and
clean
the
house
and
be
good
wife.
just
needed
to
give
him
little
push…for
him
to
see
whom
really
was.（没错，我用了迷情剂。我告诉自己，那是唯一的办法。不然我永远都见不到他……他也永远不会明白，我可以让他快乐。我会缝补衣服，会熬煮粥羹，会打扫房子，我能做一个好妻子。我只是需要稍微推他一把……让他看到我的真正模样。”）
“but
deep
down,
knew
it
was
wrong.
knew
it
was
cruel.
took
his
will,
his
freedom.
turned
him
into
something
he
wasn’t.
and
when
finally
stopped…
he
left.
of
course,
he
left.”（但内心底，我知道这么做是错的。我知道这么做是残忍的。我为了我自己的意志，剥夺了他的意志，他的自由。我把他变成了他本不是的一个人。当我终于住手时……他走了……他当然走了……）
她睁开眼，泪水涌出视向不同方向的浅灰色眸，淅淅沥沥滑落苍白的脸颊：“it
was
payback,
tom.
was
monster
who
got
what
she
deserved.
how
could
be
worthy
of
anything
after
that?
how
could
be
good
mother
to
you,
when
wasn’t
even
good
person?”（那是我的报应，汤姆。我只是个罪有应得的禽兽。在犯下如此罪恶之后，我还能值得拥有什么？我连一个好的人都不是，我怎么能做一个好母亲？）
汤姆剑眉紧锁，拳慢慢握紧，声音低沉而冷硬：“you
think
that
excuses
what
you
did?
you
think
that
makes
it
right
to
abandon
me?”（你以为这就能为你所做的一切开脱吗？你以为这就能让你抛弃我变得理所当然吗？）
梅洛普惊慌地摇了摇头：“no!
don’t
deserve
to
be
excused!
what
said…it…it
doesn’t
excuse
anything!
was
weak.
was…evil.
and
when
looked
at
you,
嫩汁
was
afraid.
thought,
what
if
you
turned
out
like
me?
what
if
ruined
you,
too?
what
if
you
hated
me
for
what
i’d
done?
maybe
you’d
be
better
off
without
me.
maybe…
if
took
myself
to
the
grave,
you’d
have
chance
to
be
better,
to
be
stronger
than
ever
was.”（不！我不值得被原谅！我说的话……不是想开脱任何事！我……软弱，我……我邪恶。当我看到你，我……我好怕……我记得我在想：如果你和我一样怎么办？如果我毁了你怎么办？如果你因为我做的事情而恨我怎么办？或许没有我，你会成长得更好。或许……如果我把自己带进坟墓里，你才有机会成长为一个比我更好，更坚强的人。）
汤姆的